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info@headmastershelpdesk.com
The ‘Good Man Journey’ is a mentoring programme in character education which pushes boys to think about the sort of man (ideally a ‘good’ man) they wish to develop into and the values that will usher them in adulthood. The main purpose is to develop and underpin character and to impact on how they deliberate and respond, particularly when confronted with compromising circumstances through their adolescence into manhood. It is hoped that the boys would be selfless and always do the right thing.
The programme is compiled using material, ideas and present-day trends from international boys’ schools’ best practice and specifically tailored for their school. The researcher’s school is a value-based institution where they endeavour to upskill their learners with the doctrine, values and virtues that guide them on their individual ‘Good Man Journey’.
Good men are required to instil and role model the values and virtues of the character-based mentoring system at home and support the school and mentor for it to be a success. It is a three-way partnership, viz. parent (father/a male role model), teacher/mentor and boy. Reichert, in his book How to raise a boy: The Power of Connection to build Good Men (2020) purports that the manner in which we treat boys not only shapes their behaviour, but actually builds their brains, and to raise good men we must ensure that they receive the nurturing their human needs and natures require. Furthermore, he contends that a boy who is secure and feels safe will develop into a strong man, because if he feels ‘felt’ and ‘well held’ he is better prepared to resist pressures and recover from adversities.
Brott, in an article “Healthy Men; why do girls live longer than boys?” (2019), argues that children with emotional and behavioural problems are predominantly male: 91% of children aged four to seven with ‘severe emotional disturbances’ were boys and among those 16 and older, 65% were boys. At the later stages of adolescence, boys who subscribe most to conventional masculine norms are the ones most unhappy, sad, anxious and even suicidal.
Therefore, from research conducted, it is essential that to curb this situation, boys are regarded as ‘relational learners’ who depend on a connection with a teacher or coach to engage. The responsibility lies with an adult, teacher or coach by default, as well as with parents at home. Parents who utilise their son’s sense of being known and loved can reinforce his ability to overcome challenges to overall healthy development (Reichert, 2020).
Reichert (2020) further argues that what differentiates a boy’s ability to be a unique self from another is the balance of stress and support that he receives in his life and their mentoring by an appropriate male role model is essential in the pathway to being a good man.
Cummins (2021) contends that boys’ expertise in character and competency is shaped through processes of character apprenticeship, where, as novices, they are coached and mentored by experts who help them to know the way, show the way, and go the way. Boys learn best about becoming a good man through the coaching and mentoring relationships they have with each other, their families, their teachers, and the world at large. Successful educators understand the importance of continuing throughout their careers to take on both the roles of the novice who articulates, reflects and explores, and the expert who models, coaches, and scaffolds.
Successful teachers build coaching and mentoring relationships with their peers that model the character apprenticeship relationships they have with their boys.
“The Good Man Project” was conducted by Celia Lashlie in 2001 to facilitate discussion within and between boys’ schools in Australasia, with a focus on developing a working definition of what makes a good man in the 21st century – a definition that is hoped would influence the direction taken by boys’ schools in the future education of their students. Lashlie while attempting to provide a definition of what a good man is from these discussion with boys and came up with the following values: trustworthy, loyal and a sense of humour stood out above the others (Lashlie,2008).
Lashie (2008) then came up with the following characteristics of a good man which could be categorised under various themes:
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THEME
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ATTRIBUTES
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Trusting
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honest, loyal, listens, is principled, knows who he is, brings sense to a situation
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Courageous
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to be who he is, knows who he is, expresses his feelings, expresses his emotions, asks for help, leads from the front, self-confident, pursues his uniqueness, can challenge convention respectfully, self-reliant, controls anger, enjoys his own physicality, can enjoy his own company
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Respectful
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for self, others, sets a good example
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Compassionate
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generous, humble, empathetic, shows love, listens, forgiving
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Commitment
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to belonging (school, group), hard-working, motivated, dreams and goals, is involved, follows through on promises, perseverance
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Sense of Humour
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Can laugh at himself, brings humour to a situation, does not sulk, can have fun without alcohol
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(Lashlie 2008:221- 223)
More recent and important characteristics that should be considered, according to Baldoni (2021), are that a good man is not a bully and is a father and husband who is present. He proposed further traits such as being resourceful, accountable, strong, smart and brave, because in the current climate masculinity and good men are under severe criticism, but society is in dire need of good men. Furthermore, he proposes that men need to look at not only being a good man, but also that men are being good humans. There is often confusion as to what makes a real man and confirms that ‘[a] bully is not a real man’ (Baldoni, 2021).
The ‘Good Man Journey’ inculcates the relevance of virtue and character based upon a school’s values. Furthermore, it strives to develop and reinforce character within boys to hopefully impact on how they think and behave, particularly when confronted with difficult situations that will challenge them as they transition through adolescence into manhood. Too often in today’s world one currently lives in, one sees leaders, politicians, sports stars, etc. behaving inconsiderately and displaying a complete lack of integrity, respect and self-control. The preference is that boys will ideally always consider the demands of others ahead of their own and have the moral courage to stand up for what is right (Talke, 2021).
The literature notes that the student-teacher relationship is not the only relationship which teachers must take care to cultivate. Marsick, Watkins & Boswell (2013) emphasise the importance of teachers working to build relationships with parents, which is supported by Cummins and Adams (2019), who regarded effective parent-school communication as an important gauge of the calibre of a school. Moreover, parents both in high-performing schools and especially in lower-performing schools urged teachers and school administrators to be more transparent with parents.
Cummins and Adams (2019) believe that boys’ needs can be best addressed when educators understand their family environment and use it to inform their situational judgement about how best to influence the totality of the learning environment. Boys learn best when their parents and families are powerful and respected contributors to the success of their boys and their interactions, learning and wellbeing. Successful educators understand working in constructive partnership with parents, family, and other community members towards helping boys grow in a sense of belonging, work towards achieving their potential, and do what is good and right in their interactions, learning and wellbeing in the totality of the learning environment.
Research by Wilkinson (2020) indicates that successful educators work to build partnerships with parents and families that enhance a shared understanding of boys, their growth in character, and their interactions, learning, and well-being. On a daily basis they strengthen these relationships especially by involving them in the learning experience within appropriate boundaries, sharing news with them first, emphasising positives, flagging any problems immediately, working through difficulties by devising and implementing constructive strategies, and dealing immediately and successfully with reasonable concerns by keeping the focus on partnering for the boy’s benefit at all times.
Sheridan (2022) proposes that educators need to work on building partnerships with parents and families that enhance a shared understanding of boys, their growth in character, and their interactions, learning, and well-being. It is necessary for educators to regularly strengthen these relationships especially by including parents and families in the learning experience within appropriate boundaries. This would involve sharing news with them first, emphasising positives, flagging any problems immediately, working through difficulties by devising and implementing constructive strategies, and dealing immediately and successfully with reasonable concerns by keeping the focus on partnering for the boy’s benefit at all times.
The partnership between the school (educator), the parents (ideally the father) and the boy (learner) is essential in striving to ensure that collectively they will see the boy being the best version of himself in all that he does ultimately.
According to Wilkinson (2020), it is essential that fathers are part of their son’s good man journey and that they are present in their lives. Anecdotal and empirical evidence supports this assertion as teenagers traverse the very difficult waters of adolescence and the very real requirement for a male role model, if their father is not in their lives.
Research reveals that young men are learning how to embrace emotional vulnerability, but that they most often grapple with emotions on their own or with the support of women in their lives. Young men, by and large, do not seek emotional support from their fathers and therefore the fathers need to reach out.
Wilkinson is supported by West (2001) who focuses in particular on the role of fathers, who exert a significant influence on their children, noting that boys with absent fathers achieve inferior academic outcomes amongst other concerns such as truancy and increased disciplinary matters. He offers the following suggestions to involve fathers more significantly in their son’s lives:
It is a recommendation to have a Boys’ Focus Committee who meet regularly to discuss what is required and review current activities. The school could arrange regular Father & Son interaction evenings with varying formats such as providing advice on how to deal with teenage boy issues viz. social media issues, vaping, with guest speakers to fun activities involving sport an ideal opportunities to bond and connect.
With 12 years’ experience as a headmaster in boys’ high schools, I have successfully implemented the “ Good Man Journey” programme and events within our school and community. Contact us to discuss your needs and we will tailor a programme to suit your needs and budget – from long-term school strategies to once-off Father & Son events.
We are available to consult on the following:
– School principals of co-educational and boys’ high schools who are looking to reap the benefits of character-based and mentorship programmes.
– School principals and parents looking for a once-off guest speaker on becoming a ‘good man’, with values and skills from character-based programmes and mentorship.
– Parent associations and individual parents who want to enrich their relationships with their sons and create a forum or hold one-on-one sessions to develop good men and strong father-son relationships.
Bibliography :
Adams, B and Cummins, P. 2019. The Pathway to Excellence: Becoming a Good Man. Available at www.circle.education.
Baldoni,J.2021. Man Enough: Undefining my masculinity. New York. Harperone.
Brott, R. (2019). Healthy Men: Why do girls live longer than boys? (Medical Xpress December 31, 2019. Available at https”//medicalxpress.com/news/2019-12-healthy-men-girls-longer-boys, html).
Cummins, P. 2021. Thriving Boys? – Telling the story of the secret of boys in boys’ schools in South Africa.
Lashlie, C., 2008: He’ll be ok – helping adolescent boys become good men. London: HarperCollins.
Marsick, V.J., Watkins, K.E., Boswell, S.A. 2013. Schools as Learning Communities. In: Huang, R., Kinshuk, Spector, J.M. (eds) Reshaping Learning. New Frontiers of Educational Research. Available at https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-642-32301-0_3.
Reichert, M.C. 2020. How to raise a boy: The power of connection to build good men. New York: TarcherPerigree.
Sheridan, S., 2022. Parent Teacher Relationships. Available at https://earlylearningnetwork.unl.edu/2018/08/29/parent-teacher-relationships/.
Talke, I.M. 2021. Character Education: The Good Man Journey. Pietermaritzburg: Maritzburg College pp 30 – 35.
West, P. 2001. Report on best practice in boys’ education. Sydney: University of Western Sydney and King’s School.
Wilkinson, C. 2020. The 6 Pack of Champion Virtues: Harnessing the power of positive masculinity. Johannesburg: South Africa.